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How to Make Someone Like You

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Although it might seem that “being physically attractive” is the most powerful way to make others like you, to make someone really like you, the attraction has to go beyond looks. In fact, the most essential ingredient in drawing romantic attraction relates to the reality that we tend to fall in love with people who impress or inspire us in some way. A scenario many of us can relate to is having once developed an attraction to someone we weren’t initially attracted to after they managed to leave an unexpected impression on us.

So, if you really want to leave an impression on someone, do what you do best around others. Someone can be the best performer, gamer, creator, etc. but if no one sees it, there will be no impressions to be had. Whatever your strengths are, find a way to make it more visible. For example, Glennon Doyle met her wife at one of her book signing events, and Stephen King fell for his wife after seeing her perform in a college writing club. 

Show that you’re a work in progress: The reason stagnancy is repulsive is because what stays stagnant begins to decay. When people stop growing, they start dying. As living, growth-oriented beings, we’re drawn to expansion and new, surprising experiences. 

Therefore, if a potential love interest lives a stagnant life with little change, it’s likely your hunger for expansion won’t be satisfied and you’ll be drawn to more dynamic people. 

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Be social: While it can be healthy (and even necessary) to take periods away from others, in the long run, social people are more attractive. Besides having a bigger network, social people can help us with our own expansion. The reason why is because social people meet and learn from others which indirectly trickles down to those around them.

Be creative: Not everyone has a creative skill or hobby, but if you do, try to create as much as you consume. The great thing about consuming work is that it can inspire and move us; however, the most interesting part of inspiration is what we do with that inspiration.

Ultimately, the reason we’re drawn to innovative people, or people who create new things (whether it’s ideas, art, robots, journal prompts, etc.), is because to create is to be more active than stagnant. Furthermore, energy is contagious and the energy of an active person can motivate others to also be active. 

See others: Someone can be attractive, active, and have talents, but if they don’t ever ask questions about you, you won’t like them for long. The saying that “it’s not about what they say, it’s about how they make you feel,” is true. If someone makes you feel ignored and uncared for, you soon won’t want to associate with them because the relationship won’t feel mutual and balanced. 

Have a secret “take it or leave it” attitude: In other words, prioritize your personal values over being liked by others. I once had a coworker tell me, “Most of the guys I date are so boring. It’s like they’re so afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending me that they have nothing interesting to say at all.” 

To be so focused on acceptance that your vulnerability and risk-taking are sacrificed is the quickest way to bore and be unmemorable to others. The truth is, the only way to be less affected by others’ negative opinions is to secretly harbor a “take it or leave it” attitude. Either someone likes the real you, or they don’t. 

This is the same reason why many college essay advice websites advise to be hyper-specific about what you want to achieve at a college rather than be open and vague. If you can live your life showing who you really are, people will have a better sense of your identity and will be more sure if they truly like you or not. Ultimately, you’d be able to forge stronger, more authentic bonds than if you’d kept yourself hidden.

In conclusion, if you want to make someone like you, it’s best to live life in a way that demonstrates self-acceptance with a commitment toward expansion. While it’s not possible to make everyone like you, living this way will attract more similar people to you increasing your chances for more fulfilling relationships and opportunities.

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